- Since being let go I kept myself busy. If I'm not busy I get VERY squirrelly VERY quickly. I didn't stop to let myself play video games and get depressed. Meetings, working out, job searching, reaching out to other alkys, writing, reading, all kept the mind churning. A still alcoholic mind, in my experience, allows the voices to talk so loud and persuasively. "You suck, you aren't going to get another job, you might as well drink and eat snacks." That's a lot less persuasive when you're blasting delts or whatever.
- I interviewed with the faith that I'll be taken care of as long as I put my sobriety first. In practice that meant walking into an interview with my only reason to be there was to make interviewer happy to speak with me.
- I didn't keep my feelings bottled inside -- I talked to a lot of people about being unemployed and how it was making me feel kooky. Even if I said the same thing over and over, and got the same responses, the act of communicating and connecting with others was a lot more rewarding than being stoic. Feelings can be embarrassing, especially if they feel obviously petty, childish, insecure. T
I worked to have my ego sort of brushed aside to have my HP direct me in whatever direction he sees fit. It's not always easy to put your ego and what you want to the side. IT'S HARD. You live your life asking, demanding, manipulating, pining, working to have your outsized needs fulfilled. In a sense, getting sober using the twelve steps of AA is an exercise in saying "I GIVE UP :( " When I walked into the rooms for the first time it was a real-life example of me saying "Ugh I can't live this way anymore. I can't smash myself in the face with an umbrella to make it look like I was at an eye surgeon to cover up my hungover." It was a giant leap of faith; that this program, not knowing what it was, was somehow going to make life livable. This giant leap is what I need to do each day in order to live a sober life: faith that I can only muck up things if I try to get my ego involved.
